I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
