I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
