I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
