glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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