i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
