i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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