you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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