You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
