if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
