It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
