Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
