thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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