is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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