Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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