She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
