Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
