So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
