I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
