Can i not drive my cunt home
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
