Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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