Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
