nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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