Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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