i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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