I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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