I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
