That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
