Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
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