I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
