Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
