Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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