I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
