i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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