he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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