You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i barfeds in our rink
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
