My nipple is on Facebook.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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