I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
