You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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