I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
operation harelip BJ is a go
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
