Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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