I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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