I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
