i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
