Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
