I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
