I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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