Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
