hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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