I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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