i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We need a shit load of segways right now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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