Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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