A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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