that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
